My thoughts about gender bias and putting the “we” in wedding photography
This post features the work of Gracie May Photography founder Elizabeth and associate photographers Jennifer and Angelina.
Note: Throughout this post, I’m using words like man, woman, bride, groom, masculine and feminine. This topic applies just as much to same-sex couples as to hetero ones. I tried my best to use different words to acknowledge that. While sometimes we’re literally talking about a bride and a groom, these ideas can also be applied to same-sex couples where one partner may be perceived as more masculine or feminine and how that perception can play a role in how they are treated on their wedding day.
Let me start this with a little anecdote…I was recently at a popular Orlando venue waiting for the grooms to arrive. The coordinator for the venue comes up and says to one of the mothers-of-grooms, “Is the bride here yet?” And while it seemed pretty simple for them to snap back with, “there is no bride”, I felt the sting of that myself and I’m just the wedding photographer. I’m really happy neither of the grooms heard this because I imagine (and I could be totally wrong) that it might make them feel, if only for a second, like they didn’t belong here. It was a sharp reminder to always stay on my toes and make sure I’m not falling victim to unconscious bias and conditioning.
As a couples photographer, I stand witness to moments of profound connection and commitment. Yet, I’ve come to recognize that the very act of capturing these moments can be fraught with deeply ingrained societal expectations around gender. I am constantly asking myself: are my images truly reflecting the unique partnership before me, or am I inadvertently perpetuating outdated norms?
Personally, muscle memory from the ways I was conditioned by society wants to pull me back into operating with bias around “traditional” gender roles and how those are expressed in my photography. As I’ve exercised checking my bias and assumptions, they’re getting smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.
While the way this most commonly plays out has to do with treating grooms as props and accessories for brides, as I illustrated at the beginning of this post, what I’m talking about doesn’t just affect straight couples. Speaking for myself, the unconscious bias I’m always checking at the door might make me want to prioritize individuals based on their perceived masculine or feminine role in the relationship.
Here are the concrete ways I put this into practice in my photography and in my business.
Before the session
Showcasing diversity — I want anyone who lands on my work to be able to see someone who they relate to and feel welcome. I want people of any age, race, ability, orientation, religion and body type to feel like there’s a place for them in beautiful, attentive wedding photography.
Avoiding assumptions — I don’t assume just based on the name(s) I see in an initial inquiry that I’m talking to a hetero couple. Even in my hetero couples, I’m quite often hired by the man and he handles everything. And I don’t automatically assume this “he” comes with a “she”.
During the session
Who’s leading? In couples photography we often see the man (or person in a same sex couple with the most masculine energy) being placed in a leadership role either through posing or direction. Men taking women by the hand and leading them, men standing taller than women, men encompassing women. To bring balance to this, I have couples take turns and I make sure that both halves of a couple get their turn being the masculine and feminine energy in a shot. A bride to leading the groom across the road. A bride standing taller. A groom holding a bride’s flowers.
Who’s looking? Having a balance in gaze is important so that the whole gallery isn’t just focused on one half of a couple being gazed at longingly by the other. I make sure both people get their turn in the spotlight of the other’s admiration and that men have the same opportunity as women to feel celebrated and be the subject of beauty.
Who’s loving? I make sure both people get their turn to pour their affection out for the other in terms of who is kissing whom, who’s taking a dominant position in a steamy moment, and who is touching the other. For example, I love prompting a bride to kiss her groom against the wall if we’re doing something spicy in an alleyway.
Beyond posing
This commitment extends beyond posing. The very words I use in my interactions with couples can either foster inclusivity or inadvertently create distance. Using inclusive language means actively moving away from heteronormative terms and embracing language that reflects the diversity of the couples I have the privilege of working with.
For me, this begins with the simple yet crucial act of asking for pronouns in my booking questionnaire – a small step that speaks volumes about recognition while also being a very easy way for me to be in the know about the dynamic of the couple I’m about to be working with.
Ultimately, achieving equality in wedding photography is about making sure that each partner gets:
- Equal attention
- Equal admiration
- Equal opportunities to lead and be led
By embracing a more inclusive vision, I aim to provide my couples with a collection of memories that authentically reflects their unique bond and celebrates the equality at the heart of their commitment.
